Love yourself first and the rest will come.
For as long as I can remember, I held onto a couple extra (pounds) that I could use as leverage to feel badly for myself or to give myself an opportunity gain attention from others if I lost a few. I found myself in a constant game of dropping and adding, dropping and adding. Years and years of talking about weight struggles and how “I’ll be good starting Monday.” But when I began the process of awakening spiritually, weight no longer became the leading lady of my life.
I had some major soul work to do. I was fighting for my life. Crying day after day. Seeing some of the darkest days of my soul. I was lucky if I thought of a meal to prepare. A year (or two) passed by like a snap of my fingers and I remember looking at my face, realizing the wear and tear the crying and depression created on my body.
Day after day, I committed to daily rituals that over time became habits. Journaling with God became the front runner. Writing after writing, spirit lead me to an intimate conversation with myself about the level of love and acceptance I had for me. Realizing the years of pounding my heart and soul into the ground, I began a passionate love affair with me. It was my decision that no one could love me better or harder than I could. No matter the stories I lived, the body I carried, or whether the next wrinkle would appear, no one could love me harder or better. In 2018, I fell in love for the first time, and it was with me. Up until that day, I stacked codependent relationships in my favor. We all called it love, but how can you give to another what you cannot give to yourself? The greatest of all is love, and love is why we are all here, doing this earth thing together.
"Love yourself first and the rest will come,” my spirit continued to tell me. “Love yourself FIRST and the rest will come.” It’s when we are whole that we know exactly the remedy that heals the soul. The piece I was being called to cure now was my internal health. Since food is our greatest medecine, and our greatest sickness, it was up to me to open my third eye and my heart to listen and see truth. “Spirit lead me and show me how to nourish my soul so I can hear you clearer and be with you more closely.” I would pray.
Like magic, they showed me the way. I accessed a documentary that appeared on my Netflix feed called, “The Magic Pill.” I felt drawn to the title like a moth to a flame. My guides lead me here, and my life purified even more. The Ketogenic diet was the basis of the conversation, but even more, I saw people in the movie that reminded me of my past lives and current lives. My soul sang when the story of the aboriginals came on, and then further, the people healing their sickness with food.
No more time to waste, I needed to live fully and the way I was designed to live. I wanted to think clearer, feel clearer, and get rooted in the Earth. I prayed for release of toxins and anything holding my spirit down. I promised I would continue with my regular routine of exercising and stay true to rituals I designed to align with my soul. 9 months later, I look at the woman I have become and I smile. “There you are! I have missed you. You are beautiful, and now we will go and do this thing together.” I am still learning (more) about what this “thing” is. I am certain of something though, there is no one I’d rather be on my journey with more than myself.
This is my story of self love...